Well today has gotten off to a rocky start.
- It's that time of the month again and I am emotional :(
- I broke my car-again
- I'm broke-again lol
- I'm sad about my lack of photography progress
I went out yesterday to another artist event and it was really big. It was a lot of people there and a lot of photo opportunities too. I took my camera with me so that I could take pictures of the guy that invited me out (the cute poet that I met the other night) and it was disappointing because I literally forgot how to work my camera - settings and all. I'm way too rusty. And because I am emotional right now, I really let that get me down. He wants me to come out and take pictures of his video shoot tomorrow but I just don't think I can deliver - I really don't. So I'm just going to go for support. It really bothers me though that I have these opportunities that I can't even take advantage of. Its really hard for me to find people to take pictures of in this city when I need practice. So when someone actually asks me to take pictures of them, its great. But then I can't do anything with the 'greatness' because I'm so rusty. -sigh- . And then a friend of mine posted on Facebook that he just invested 2K into his photo equipment game. Why don't I have that type of commitment? Do I not want this? I KNOW that I am in love with photography-so so so in love with photography. It is the only thing that I love, honestly. And its the only thing that I really want to do. I could spend my whole life taking pictures. I have this huge vision of using photography as a way to bring awareness to the issues that our race faces and using that awareness to initialize change and empowerment. It just hurts every part of me not to take pictures...it really does. It's worse than any heartbreak. God...I feel like crying...I can't wait until this 'monthly visit' is over. UGH
