- I didn't go to the soccer game and I was glad because I didn't feel like it
- I took my midterm online and had all of my answers correct. However, I accidentally switched the WiFi to OFF when moving the cats away from the computer and failed because the submission didn't go through since the Internet was unplugged. I don't even give a shit...I really don't
- After I failed the midterm, I decided to pay "ill be there in 15 minutes" a visit. I don't know why but I did. I just wanted to be around someone that I'm familiar with (whether I like their ways or not). I fell asleep at his house but he didn't touch me and I didn't touch him. I really needed to be close to someone because of how down I've been feeling lately, but I'm still not comfortable doing physical things with people because of mr.cherrybomb. So this worked out perfectly for me. This morning we woke up and cleaned my car out before I went to work. Finally, its clean.
- I applied for new jobs today. I think I am going to make it a point to apply to different jobs every week.
- I found out more gossip that the workplace drama girl was talking about me. It really bothers her that I don't like her anymore. I'm positive that if I find a new job I will be happy. Every disappointment I have with my relocation is based off of my work life. I hate the animosity - it makes the workplace so uncomfortable and I am not the only one who feels this way. I hate the long drive/train ride out there. It wears me out and makes me grouchy. I hate the job duties-more than I hate anything in the world-except unemployment :o/.
- I learned something new about me today. Maybe I should make it a goal to learn something new about myself every day. I learned that I am bitchy with men for the first month of knowing them unconsciously. And after about two or three months, I soften up and start acting like myself and they become some of my best friends. And I like them as friends more than love interests.
Speaking of love: I know for a fact now that I am falling in love and am feeling sick as I try to ween myself off of this feeling. I cannot wait until this bullshit passes. I've tried so hard to deny this and to preoccupy my mind with other things but I'm falling in love with mr.cherrybomb and I know it. It pisses me the fuck off that I feel like this after the fact that we don't talk anymore. Why does every revelation in my life have shitty timing. I guess timing doesn't matter when I'm so stupid about dating. I don't know whether to fight how I feel until I eventually forget about how I feel or if I should just let the feelings come, cry, and then get over it. You know how people try to teach you lessons on the slide by doing you how you do them? He's done that to me a couple of times and although I wouldn't admit it, I learned my lesson...lessons. But I knew that I was going to fall in love with him when I first met him. I should have backed away then because there was no way that I was emotionally ready to deal with someone so opposite of what I have been exposed to.
Well, a friend of mine is moving to L.A. soon if they get a job there and asked me to come move with. I'm going to give this it the rest of the year until my lease is up to see if anything changes here for me. If it doesn't, I think I'm going to leave. Why not? Life is too short to be restricted to one city without reason. And now that I already took that leap to relocate once, I'm not scared to do it again. I want a reason to stay...
