I felt really strange today. And the strangeness has nothing to do with the $35 parking ticket that I found on my car this morning :o/ I'm just so extremely tired...of everything. Of job hunting, of dream chasing, of saving money, of having to spend money, of the internal war with my race, of female animosity, of men who think their child support is enough to provide for the random daily expenses of a child, of the governments pimp hand, everything.
I'm mostly tired of being confused. And relocating just added more confusion because now I have to decide whether or not I want to stay here or go back home. Every day pulls me in different directions. I keep thinking about my aunts body in the casket. She left behind so much...too much. And I'm not a family person by far, but if I knew she was going to die, I would have spent so much more time with her. I miss her, and its hard for me to understand why I miss her because I'm so divided from my family. Maybe its the thought of what she went through before death that bothers me so much. I never spoke to her about what she was going through but I don't feel that it takes rocket science to figure it out. I'm afraid because I see so much of myself in her...the same wrong decisions...the same dependency on people...the same depression. She had so much support from my family but I honestly feel that it wasn't the type of support that she needed. -shrugs- but what does my opinion matter? It's too late to do anything about anything at this point.
