Curiosity...

I wonder how many pizza rolls would be equivalent to an entire pizza...if I am full off of 15 pizza rolls, and full off of 2 slices of pizza...does that mean 15 pizza rolls=2 slices of pizza?

'Source Code' Trailer- April 1st

This movie looks SO good! I cannot wait until April 1st!

I'm Trying To Get out Of The House

Man...I'm trying so hard to just get up and walk out of this house so that I can enjoy the day but I can't stop watching music videos. Every one of Trey Songz videos is making me fantasize and I cant stop pretending. SO LAME. I need to get up. UGH...damn you Trey. But forreal...I wonder if I lost weight and got a sexy body if I would have better luck...hope not because Im not gonna lift not one damn weight. -shrugs-

Corvette in a Gym??

OMG did they just drive off on the ex boyfriend in a Corvette...out of the school gym? Really? How far did you get? start video at 4:41. It says 'gymnasium' on the wall which indicates that they were parked outside of the school gym. BUT it just doesnt look anything like the parking lot of a school to me. I could be wrong....probably am...but OMG it looks like they just drove off out of the school gym!

A Pretty Girl Like You

I was watching Ruff Endz music video 'Someone To Love You' last night and found myself reminiscing about how amazing music videos used to be. Dont you miss the story lines in them? It was like watching little movies that we could all relate to, or wanted to relate to. Love seemed logical back then, didnt it?




Well, this video was close to my heart because it reflects what college was supposed to be like for me. Working long hours to pay off my tuition...studying all night and day...falling asleep while studing, just to be awakened by some strong and sexy intellectual man who feels the urge to help me make it through finals week as opposed to the urge to get a piece of ass.

But apparently, only pretty girls are deserving of sympathy. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a man say something to the effect of "you are too pretty to be so sad" or in this case with 'Someone To Love You', "I hate to see a pretty girl like you going through the things that you do." Hmm....would it be easier for you to see her suffer if she was ugly? Is it the ugly girls only that are deserving of sadness and pain? Its always the silent suggestions that are most insulting I tell you. lol.

The hair embedded into my carpet has been driving me up a wall. So today, I decided to do something about it. I must have went crazy because I grabbed my lent roller and went to town on my carpet. But no matter how many times I rolled over the same spot, hair just kept filling my lent roller! It was like hair was growing straight out of the d*mn carpet. So eventually I gave up [like I do with everything]. Woe is me.

No, Not Aunt Flo!

Boy did Aunt Flo pick the wrong week to show up. I have been pure evil and irritated by everyone. And I mean everyone. I'm mad about everything right now and even that makes me mad. I hate when Flo comes when I'm already emotional because I turn borderline psycho. I need to write about why I'm mad...period.



1. my hair is messed up
2. i hate tampons
3. im broke in my mind again
4. somebody "got theirs" and i didn't "get mine" (no details)
5. my Chicago wardrobe sucks and i cant do anything about it
6. bootz is irritating the hell out of me with the whining and tailing me all over the studio
7. im sick of working so far away from home
8. why did i demote myself? why?
9. eating chicken potpies for lunch is getting old
10. i miss working at tmobile with my friends
11. the people i work with cant all be trusted apparently
12. right now i wish i would have stayed in stl and just upgraded my living situation
13. this OT pay is so necessary but d*mn I wish I didn't have to work this weekend
14. homework is taking up too much of my energy and time and im already a freakin' graduate
15. im irritated by someone who keeps ignoring me while standing right next to me. GO AWAY
16. no matter how much money i make, i owe $1900 for taxes
17. i want to go to church and i dont feel like looking for a church home
18. there is no Wal-Mart ANYWHERE within 20 miles of my house
19. the violist performer at the train stop when I get off work - PLEASE stop playing!
20. i missed the first episode of ANTM. I wont ever catch the show because it takes me too long to get home from work
21. i hate that men think they can just call the shots when dating
22. i don't know what to wear for Vernique's wedding
23. i don't have a date for Verniques wedding
24. im sick of men seeking me out when they know that they are just on some games
25. i called so many people when i was drunk and no one picked up. what if i needed a ride??
26. my weave is embedded into my carpet
27. i have not slept on my futon yet because im too lazy to let it out and my back hurts
28. i have a pain in my leg that feels like will lead to an amputation
29. all of my bras are too small
30. my panties are old. i want new panties
31. my eye infection is back


I'm done for now...but I will be back...trust me

Vending Machine Irritation

While I was at work this weekend, a customer approached my counter with a bag of chips from our vending machine [the one that I have circled on the second row, second column].

Out of all of these name brand chips in this large vending machine, you chose this one?? Why??Now, I admit, I don't know if this is a name brand or not...but regardless, it cant stand up against the other brands in the machine. You have the option to choose between the classic Cheese-Its, Doritos, Cheetos, Lays, Sun Chips, Snyder's, TGIF, Chex, Frito's, etc... And of all of these brands, you choose the Salsita brand? Salsita?

I'm certain that this was an attempt at expressing her individuality. It had to be. Nothing left to say about that.

But...now that I look at the vending machine, I'm starting to reconsider whether or not it is a name brand selection after all. I've asked everyone their opinon and they have all responded with "ummm, I think so." But it has to be name brand. Why would they throw one random bag of chips in a machine with all name brand items? So...now I'm irritated at the fact that I was never introduced to this down low brand.

Where are the Clair Huxtables You Ask?

I find it incredibly humorous when 21st century men ask where the Clair Huxtable women are today. My best friend says "where are the Clair Huxtable's of today, you ask? Well, if you were a Cliff Huxtable then you would know." LOL. I couldn't have said it any better.

I'm feeling very 'wholesome' right now so I decided to download The Cosby Show seasons from Netflix. While I was watching, I felt compelled to follow the communication/relationship between Cliff and Clair to see what is so "special" about the way that she handles her man...because as wonderful as a woman that Clair is, I feel that men are in love with her for stereotypical reasons (successful, can cook, housekeeping, motherly, sexy, etc) and wouldn't find her to be any more 'tolerable' than us 21st century women...lets take a look.

Most episodes are of Clair sitting at home, cooking or reading a magazine or book. She is a stern mother, good mother, but has a very formal relationship with her children...barely inquiring of their personal interests until a problem arises. Cliff on the other hand is seen going out of his way to talk to his children on a personal level about their likes and dislikes; entertaining them with games, jokes and stories. She addresses her family in very condescending, challenging tones most times and in nearly every episode spends most of her airtime making requests or demands of her husband who humbly submits. Lets take a look at season 6, episode 10...

Season 6: Episode 10

• Its storming on Thanksgiving Day and Clair, realizing that she's missing certain ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner, sends Cliff out in the storm to the store. When Cliff returns, he begins to gripe that the only open store was some market 20 miles out with lines for days. Clair's response was not "thank you" or "aw you poor thing" but instead was "Cliff, you forgot the canned pumpkin for the pumpkin pie, eggs for the cornbread and you also forgot the nutmeg." Cliff exclaims "but sweetheart, i see that you're already making sweet potato pie. We don't need two types of pie. He then pulls a bottle of nutmeg from the spices rack and hands it to Clair saying "and here is a bottle of nutmeg right here." Clair then takes the nutmeg from Cliff and tosses it into the trash saying "but Cliff, that is not fresh nutmeg." She then opens the door for Cliff to go back out. Needless to say, Cliff screws up the grocery order again, having to run in and out of the house 2 more times. When Cliff makes it back home the final time with the correct groceries, he sees that the cornbread has been prepared and is sitting on the dinner table. He asks Clair "how did you make cornbread without eggs" and she responds "well honey, I just borrowed them from next door."

Now lets discuss this...in bullet points

• If I ask you to go grocery shopping for me, 'yes' will be the last thing that escapes your lips. And on a holiday? When it is storming outside?! PLLLEASEE


• If I was missing ingredients for certain dishes, I guarantee you that you will tell me to just take the dishes off of the menu


• I bet you a dollar per mile that I cant get you to drive 20 miles to a grocery store for me


• Let me take grocery bags from you and not say thank you...just let me


• You're ok with me sending you out in the storm so that I an have 2 pies and not one?


• The nutmeg from my spices rack isn't fresh enough? Really??


• You wont run the same errand twice. You wont.

My favorite incident was when Clair comes home, clearly upset about her day. Cliff pulls her aside and asks her of her troubles. She explains what her day was like and once consoling her says "let me tell you about my day." Clair responds with "honey, not right now. I don't really want to discuss anything after the day I have had." And Cliff says "but sweetheart, I listened to your troubles about today." Clair says "but I didn't ask you to." Everyone in the audience laughed and laughed. But if that happened in real life-it wouldn't be funny at all. I'm sure that the conversation would have went a lot differently.

A woman like Clair Huxtable will not take "no" for an answer when she makes a request from you. A woman like Clair Huxtable would not tolerate a man using foul language when speaking to her. A woman like Clair Huxtable will not settle for a man who does not contribute. Whether or not you 21st century men feel that Clair Huxtable has solid reason to have ares/airs about herself, you are not nearly strong enough or secure enough to handle a woman expecting more from you than you expect of yourself. -Done-

Strangeness + Overtime Pay

This week has been really weird. Mainly because I cant tell if I'm in a good mood or a bad one...how lame is that. I wasn't sure if I was imagining my feeling melancholy until I read an entire 400 page book in one day (yesterday). And it wasn't even my off day. I never read a book that fast unless I'm feeling down.

Now for the GOOD news!! A few people got fired from a different "department" at my job, so they are short-staffed and need some extra help (the firing part isn't the good news...the next part is though). I was offered the chance to get some overtime by doing their job for the next two weeks. On top of working my usual 9:30am-6pm, I'll be working from 7pm-1am on weekends and from 7pm-10pm during on weekdays. All of which would be time and a half. YES! YES for cash in my pockets!

I participated in my first food stamp scandal yesterday and saved myself $20 on groceries. I feel like a criminal...but one with a full stomach...:o) I was scared the whole time that I was at the register. I just knew a social worker was about to pop out from behind the bagger and whisk me away to jail. But I made it out alive.

I finally found and purchased the wall art for my apartment that I've been searching for. I love it even more now that its in my house. Bootz seems to be pretty fond of the art too. I was trying to figure out how old this picture is and I think I figured out from the souldja boy glasses that its relatively new. Funny how his headphones aren't even positioned on his ears. LOL.

But that's not the strangest thing I saw this week. I saw this lady on the train rocking out to some music. I couldn't take my eyes off of her because she was really feeling it. Well she wasn't rocking out like we young people rock out but because she was so old, the little rocking that she was doing just seemed so stand out a lot more. Anyway, like I was saying, I couldn't stop staring at her. And then it happened. She dug into her bag (and I say a bag because it wasn't at all a purse) and pulled out...a...you ready for this....a cassette player. A real live cassette player! My FIRST reaction was to lean over and snatch it up off her and auction it off on some website. But what amazed me more than the cassette player was how I felt when I saw it. I didn't realize until that very moment how many years have actually passed from when I was a young girl. Flashbacks hit me like crazy of the days when TLC used to rock in my player along with some Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. Things used to be so simple and enjoyable back then. Sometimes I think that I would be willing to make a deal with God for a shorter lifespan if I could go back and relive the past years up until a certain point. I wonder how many other people would do the same.

But the biggest shock of all for me, was at the gas station. I don't know if these exist all over the place but I have never before witnessed one of these. Cash accepted?! I want one. I want one everywhere I go. Hot sh*t. I wonder if these are as impossible to break into as an ATM....I'm just wondering...I'm not planning anything. I'm only a grocery store criminal, I don't f*ck with ATMs. But seriously, I wouldn't want to use one of these at night. Probably a quick way to get held up. And I am definitely not trying to lose my overtime pay.

Wet Feet and Textbook Pains

This weekend was spent with mr. cherrybomb again :o). I had such a peaceful time, once again. He called me to let me know that he was about to get some pics taken of him by our friend Joe and I begged to come along and in order to get some practice. It felt so weird getting my feet wet again, taking pictures and all, but also so good at the same time. It's funny how subconsciously he inspires me. I didnt even realize this until I was done editing the pictures, but he actually was the reason that I touched that camera again. -Not letting that get to my head...just an observation-

The more that I hang out with him and our mutual acquantances, the more that I like this city. I feel like I'm around family and it's a really good feeling. With him it's like...he's quickly becoming a friend that I just so happen to like. And with the whole family, the city just feels safe to me. Not so full of drama.

Today I got a text from "mr. be there in 15 minutes." It had the nerve to say 'Happy Valentines Day'. I deleted his number so I didnt know who it was but when I asked, he confirmed that it was him. I spent 30 minutes to an hour trying to decide how to respond, when I finally just decided not to. He really isnt worth the time...that's what mr. cherry bomb made me feel like...that mr. 15 minutes just wasnt worth the time.

The only BS from today was the fact that I had to buy my school textbooks for $115 online. It tore me inside out to have to spend that type of money just to run from student loans. God...I need a real job.

2nd Attempt Toward a B.A.M.

After missing my train stop by over an hour on Thursday from finishing that book, I decided to just take off for the day and make it a 3 day weekend. Pampered myself with a fresh hair-do and decided to make amends with the "okay, ill be there in 15 minutes" guy (wtf was my problem).

Anyway, I got crapped on by him again. This time I took the bus to the train station to meet him. The plan was for us to ride on the train together and split at different spots-me to go downtown and him to go to work. After playing text tag with non-informational messages, I called him once I reached the train stop just to find out that he had went on without me. I SNAPPED. I mean...SNAPPED. You sent me on a BAM (bullsh*t a** mission) in 8 degree weather, of course I was going to snap! It ended with him telling me that I need help. Like that's some type of news to me.

Well after crying from frustration, mr. cherry bomb consoled me with the "its not his fault, its your fault" technique. Strangely enough, I was able to see how right he was. The fact that I gave this guy the leverage to screw with my head was my fault...not his. It wasn't that hard to get over the stress. With mr.cherry bomb giving me the sweetest attention ever, I was able to bounce back quickly.

While hanging out with him, I realized what I've been missing. Friendship. None of these guys have been my friend, and I'm guessing that's pretty important? I'm not trying to wed mr. cherry bomb or anything but his presence has been helping put things into perspective for me. Well, I've got some errands to run so I better get on that...l8ta g8ta

V-Day Runaways & Porn Star Pleasure

I can always tell when Valentines Day is approaching - I don't even have to check my calendar. My warning comes about 1-2 weeks prior when my 'guys' start pulling a disappearing act. As if going M.I.A before Valentines Day excuses them from being present on the actual day. Like...how can I complain about not getting teddy bears and chocolate candy on Valentines Day when they dipped out long before that, right? What a joke. And then they will come back a week later as if I'm too naive to pick up on the escape attempt...as if I am interested in sticking around as their "didn't make the cut for V-Day but maybe next time" girl.

And people always tell me that I get addicted to men that I date way too quick. Its not that I disagree but what the hell would you expect from me in my situation? I'm in a city with less than a handful of people that I know; living in a studio apartment with two irritating, horny cats who probably get more action that I do. Of course I'm going to get bored enough to 'over dial' or blow up at having my plans canceled. Shame on me for getting too excited about seeing a human face that doesn't come from NetFlix or for thinking that I was about to receive a kiss from real lips and not a wet cat nose. But its going to be okay because I've started reading again. Yup! I don't need anybody as long as I have a good book with a lover-man and some cool female friends in it. My 'guys' always seem to resurface in my life when I'm preoccupied with a good book. Usually they are a day late and a dollar short as my text lover-man has already started the creepy process of filling my void.

The book that I am reading now is about this girl who has a porn-star background and a sister who is doing time for accomplice to robbery. She is trying to get this big time political figure to wife her but he is scared to attach her as a showpiece because she is from the wrong side of the tracks. And he doesn't even know about her porn-star background and criminal sister yet..LOL. Anyway, she's going above and beyond to hide her true identity-having him drop her off at her friends house that she's told him is her house just so that he wont know that she lives in the projects. Well, she ends up getting blackmailed by this fine, rich, Caribbean man who tells her that she better be his mistress or else he will put her s**t on blast. She cant afford to jeopardize her upcoming promotion or her relationship so in short...she becomes his whore. Only thing is that his sex is the bomb and she starts to feign for it-cant get enough of it-keeps her phone by her side in case he calls for it. WOO. Can you imagine having some sex so good that you fall in love with your blackmailer? Anyway, the author goes into all these details about the sexcapades and I cant help but feeling like it is the best sex that I ever had! And the whole time all I can think is "girl (talking to the author), have you actually had these moves put down on you, you lucky dog or are you just imagining that a man is capable of doing all that? Because I have never been sexed like the people that these authors write about...for real...

I have to get back to work...speaking of which...I hate when I ask a customer for a reservation number and they respond with "I don't have a reservation number. I just have a confirmation number." Dude...do you honestly not know that that is what I'm asking for?

Weekend of Chaos...FML

Well, I can officially say that this weekend was the most reckless weekend that I have had yet since I have been in this city. I made way too many mistakes and unfortunately, cant take any of them back. To my defense, my behavior HAD to be due to my lack of emotional stability right now...although my guy friend said its from my lack of d***k. This FML weekend deserves a recap...no matter how embarrassing:

1. Incident 1: After a night of passion [I didn't say sex, just passion], I picked up "his" cell phone while a text message from some chic came in saying "Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes."...FML

2. Incident 2: I called myself being a player and visited 2 guys in one weekend. I had to find out from guy 2 that guy 1 left a cherry bomb on my neck...FML

3. Incident 3: I found out that I owe 2K in taxes this year because I filed my W4s wrong...this was of course found out after I borrowed $800 from my mom...promising her I would pay her back with my tax refund...in the meantime my mom treated herself to a new $1300 flat screen... FML

4. Incident 4: Guy 3 called me last weekend from jail saying that he was locked up for shooting someone. This weekend I told him I thought he was lying about shooting someone last weekend and he responded with "I never said I shot anyone, I just got into a fight." My mind has been so screwed up this month that I don't know if he is lying or if I am delusional...FML

5. Incident 5: Guy 4 [yes, this is the last guy lol ] has been the object of my affection since I moved here. I love how he owns his own business, lives alone, has no woman, no kids, his own transportation, loves the arts and has incredible sex appeal. Well I just found out that he must be confused about some facts: he lives at home with his female friend who is 6 months pregnant with his baby..FML

One thing that I cannot deny is that I brought all of that on myself. I guarantee you...no more reckless weekends for this girl. Until next time...here is a picture of some good old Chicago love that I stole a shot of on the L. Either that or she was digging up his nose. -shrugs- same difference, right? :o)

Ready for the new season

Well, my patience has officially ran thin. I allowed myself to get to know a few people these past two weeks and each one has resulted in dissapointment. This week has served as a reminder of why I dont bother with people anymore. I miss spending time with myself anyway. I'm so used to hearing my own voice and no one elses that its become my comfort. It will be nice to rest in the silence and peace of my own thoughts again.

I ran into an old friend of mine this week. She was telling me about how well she was doing since we last spoke...she has two children, a man who she is happy with, a condo, is a Supervisor at her job and working on opening her own facility of some sort while she studies for her Masters degree. After I took her tale of success in, I thought about my own success or lack thereof. I was proud to hear that she was doing well but realized that I was ashamed at how I was not. Should I be ashamed? Should I be ashamed that I have yet to start in a career path? Or that I have not yet found myself? That I have no goals that I am reaching for anymore? Sometimes I wish that this world would hurry up and fold...like it is a long drawn out tv episode that I am craving to come to an end just so I can get it over with. I'm ready for a new season to begin...but I know that this is the only season that I will ever star in. Once this is over...so is life.