Sunday, October 7, 2012

So clearly its been a while since I've blogged.  I cant even begin to tell you how much has happened in my life so I wont even try.  I'll just start from today.

I'm trying to figure some things out for myself right now. I feel like there is not much that I care about anymore and I'm struggling to find out why. I had someone that I cared about a lot and I think I was clinging to him so hard because I knew that if I let that go, that I wouldn't have anything else to really care about. But now that I've come to terms with the fact that me and this person have no future, I've had no choice but the deal with the fact that I don't care about anything anymore.  I feel like I'm sitting in silence a lot...because there's nothing on my mind. It's kind of scary, actually... to have no dreams anymore.

Obviously there are the basic things that I care about like God, my mom and my sister and my dad and his wife...but other than that...I don't feel passionately about anything in my life anymore. I could care less what direction things go with me because I don't feel that there is anything that will make me happy anymore.  I know I have the potential to do great things but I cant push myself anymore.  Well, its not that I cant but I just don't feel like it. I know its up to me to start putting forth effort but I feel stupid trying to force myself to care about things that I don't care about.

I don't know...