In 1 Week...Why I've been MIA

At first I felt like I was under a personal devil attack but I've noticed that all of these bad things have been happening to me whenever I starting working on my plans to go to Miami for my birthday. My instincts are now telling me that maybe someone (or something) is trying to keep me from going...I'm finally taking the hint. This is what my last week has been like:

• a car accident that nearly cost me my life but definitely cost me whiplash & "friendships"
• it definitely cost me a $500 deductible to retrieve my car from the shop
• and a "free" rental that's costing me $100 a week bec of the cdw that State Farm doesn't cover
• which is being paid for with a 7 day late paycheck bec my manager forgot to submit my timesheet
• which left me so stressed out that I myself forgot to submit my timesheet this week to get paid
• which means I wont get paid on my birthday-this Friday
• which means I wont have the money to go to Miami
• therefore no Miami
• which means I lost $150 for the plane ticket along with all the non refundable clothes I bought
• that can only be worn in Miami
• which doesn't matter to me right now bec I just had to come out of $200 to get my rental out of impound.  How did that happen? I parked in my personal reserved parking spot without my parking lot sticker...that I didnt have in the car...because it was a rental

Couldn't Have Said It Better

What's Going On

I know its been a while.  I guess I've been thinking about some things...the same things that I was thinking about before.  Except this time, the stakes have been raised a bit.  I have another reason to come home - an investment opportunity that could really be what I have been praying for.  And to make the decision even harder, I actually found that there is an opening at home for the same position that I have here in Chicago (same company and all).  I put in an application and at this point, I'm just waiting to hear back before I start to finalize my decision.  I don't know if this is what I want to do...  

Video Relase Party pics

I just realized that I never posted any of the pictures that I took that night from Showtime's video release party. Here's a few.

 

To Stay or To Go

I'm so stressed out right now.  I've been thinking about the fact that my mom is getting older - she's almost 60 now.  I feel bad being so far away from her, you know? Like...it's not like she has a lot of years left where she will be in the physical condition to still be able to do a lot of things with me. I keep thinking about how much time I'm missing out on with her that I can't ever get back.  I know that moving here was important to me and something that I want long-term, but do I really want it at that expense? I know that parents get old and their kids don't make their life decisions based on that but my mom is the only person I know that really loves me.  I always hoped that by this time I would have found someone else that could love me at least a little bit like her.  But its not going to happen right now and I want to spend my time with her...I feel like I'm being ridiculous but its how I feel

Touching The Camera

So last night I did another event.  This time I took pictures at Showtime's (one of Twista's artists) video release party.  I am so psyched about the pictures because they turned out GREAT! You know what though?  I've come to realize that I don't usually experience any issues with event photography and I get excited all over when I think about doing an artist event.  I feel confident, like my shots are going to be guaranteed and sexy and I KNOW that I can deliver on that end.  Maybe I should start focusing on that type of photography instead on photoshoots and all.  I can still make a lot of money in this area, can focus my craft on one type of photography to get really skilled (which would be less overwhelming) and can start purchasing equipment for events only.  I could probably even become the personal photographer for local artists! I'll be editing the pictures tonight and posting something tomorrow or later this week. Ciao!

Whitney is In Labor!

Whitney is in labor!!!! I think I am going to head to Saint Louis today to meet Wynter!!!

Having A Kid

I'm watching Laguna Beach right now (the old season) and I couldn't help but cry when they were getting ready for graduation. Mannnnnn I remember how important that was back then - high school in general you know? I never enjoyed life as much as I did back then. We did some crazy stuff...yeah we did...lol. Anyway, while I was watching, I started to wish that I was the one holding the camera, watching my kid walk to the stage.  I never thought I would really want to have kids but after watching this, I know its something that I want.

Squirrels Have Rabies

So I found this out a little too late but apparently you shouldn't feed the squirrels because squirrels have rabies.  NO I did not get rabies but I COULD have. smh.

Letter From Dad

Sometimes I forget that my dad was a man before he was ever a father.  He wrote me something really special in response to what I wrote about him. I won't share it all but a lot of what he said, really hit home:

Don’t give up on the men of your generation, but don’t give in either. They will only rise to the accountability that the women of your generation challenge them to. Don’t beat a brother down and don’t make excuses for him either. Always look for opportunities to encourage others as well as yourself.

  

If you read my blog regularly, then you know why this statement from my dad means so much to me.  Even recently, I allowed Meshwell to resurface in my life as a friend and once again he fouled me.  I keep letting it happen because I don't want to "give up on the men of my generation."  But I always find myself making excuses for him/them..."oh he's only doing this because he's stressed."  And I do always look for opportunities to encourage him - but he doesn't do this for me...or anything nice for me for that matter.  So why let him resurface? Because he has good conversation and an education- but that's not enough to give him a gold seal.  My dad is right - they will only rise to the accountability that women challenge them to - and I didn't challenge him at all...I just sank to his level.  Hopefully he meets someone that can challenge him.  Hopefully ALL of these guys do.  Me, I'm going to wait for one of the developed ones. :)

LMAO

*Conversation with my friend about her mysterious gentleman caller* 

Me: Maybe that's what you need girl, a little mystery.
Her:  No the hell I don't.

*Enough Said* LOL!

Conversation With 'Him' about Love

Him: Friendship with my lover is very important
Me: I never had a guy be my bestfriend first
Him: Building "the relationship" takes time. Build it first then get in it
Me: I never thought about it that way...but it makes a lot of sense
Him: Lots of people don't
Me: Its hard to build with someone though when people are working on other projects with other people
Him: True.  You may see other projects (houses) but you only buy one house (relationship) to move in
Me: How do you know when its complete enough to move in?
Him: Its built with features wanted by both parties.  Its complete when "both" are ready to move in

Back In The Day...

I used to love this dress lol.  I wonder what happened to all of my clothes from the "early years."  I wish she would have kept them all.  Knowing my mom, she probably gave them away to charity.  My mom was hot when she was young wasn't she? I remember when she used to go skating, guys used to stare at her the whole time.  I think that "high yellow" women were "it" back in the day or something lol.  Now, I don't know what she was thinking with that big curly bang in my hair.  I remember she used to put a sponge roller in my head all of the time for the ultimate curl.  I think its safe to say that she never combed it out either... :/

A Pregnant Blast

The babyshower was amazing!! The best part about it was that I got to spend some 1-on-1 quality time with my sis Whitney (yellow dress).  She picked me up from Union Station when I got into town and we went straight to Target to buy her babyshower gifts.  Only Whitney could make babyshower shopping a comedy show.  It was hilarious and I loved every minute of it.  We had a whole conversation about whether or not it was better to buy Pampers or Huggies...or if we should buy newborn pampers only or 1st year pampers also?? We ended up skipping out on those and got other stuff lol.  As promised, I spoiled my little babies :)

I cant believe that so many years have passed since we all met.  A part of me somewhat envies them for moving their lives along and starting families while I'm still at square one.  Whit was telling me that its not like their relationships are all peachy so don't envy anything. Either way, from the looks of it, I won't be in their position ever or for a very long time.     

2 Years & 1 Month Ago

I made a huge mistake two years ago and I would do anything to go back and change the outcome. I can never get that moment back. Its that moment that tested my character...I failed. I can never forget...