Telling The Secret

I've been in the middle of a few things that I've chosen not to blog about for a reason.  I didn't want to jinx myself by talking about it too soon but now its over...so I'm about to vent.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been hanging out with this guy who I felt I had a real connection with (lets call him Meshwell).  If you would have asked me last week if he felt the same, I would have said 'yes'.  But today is not last week and my answer has now changed to 'I doubt it.'


You know what...we started getting close way too fast and that should have been a sign for me to slow things down.  But I couldn't resist.  We started spending way too much time together-playing house almost.  It was almost like we were inseparable for the first two weeks.  And I thought this was because our connection was so strong and our conversations so on point.  But now I'm starting to think that he was just putting in a lot of effort to get sex - which I wasn't about to give.  I'm not in the mood to give reasons for why I thought the connection was strong or why he was probably trying to get sex the whole time.  Just know that I had valid reasons to believe both.

After our 1 hour long arranged meeting to discuss where we stand with each other, a decision was made for us to keep doing what we do (because neither of us wanted to stop) but to do less of it.  Well he took that to heart and has been ghost for the last couple of days - not calling or messaging me at all when he was before hitting me up constantly throughout the day.  I thought he was different-and in a lot of ways he was.  But he's still a black man and I should have known that a degree and good conversation wouldn't mean a change in his black man agenda.

I want to be mad. I want to be FURIOUS.  But I'm not...because a part of me-most of me-isn't even surprised.  Mike (my 'brother') advised that I go get Meshwell out of my mind.  So last night I went out to drink and meet up with Boyfriend 'Thursday' who asked me to be with him every day of the week.  I declined.  I think he was drunk anyway.  I did accept an offer to go out with this guy that  I wanted to make Boyfriend 'Wednesday'.  I think I'll ask him tonight.