Discouragement, that's the word of the day. Im feeling very discouraged today. I keep reading the same pages in my photography book over and over and over and I just cant seem to grasp concepts anymore. I dont like where this is going. Im afraid Im going to lose this....and I dont want to lose this. Its not like I dont care about photography anymore, its that I am feeling so "incapable". Photography is all I think about and all I like to talk
about, so why is it that I cant understand things? I think my heart is distracting me, in all honesty. Ive been feeling all weird lately, toward Mr.NyC. Not a bad weird, just a "realization" weird. I think Im starting to realize the truth about love . Its different with him than how its ever been with any other man and its providing me with a type of contentment and peace that Im not used to. He feels so long term to me, like its not about playing a game or winning his heart. Its actually about learning something that Im not too fond of...consideration of a man Im involved with. Usually I have this theory of them being undeserving of my genuine interest and consideration. But Mr.NyC is more than deserving. However, I think that my lack of consideration has wore him thin. Im trying this time though! I'm listening
more when he talks and I really want to know things about him. But Ive trained myself not to listen to men because they are temporary. But maybe they are temporary only because I trained myself not to listen. Anyway, the thing is, I see him breaking down walls too. To be honest, I kinda want to just be around him now. I like to laugh with him more than anything. I dont think he sees us the way I see us but I know he sees me in his own way thats still good. I have so much more to learn about him though and I dont want to learn these things from so far away. Im thinking something...are you thinking what I'm thinking...?
about, so why is it that I cant understand things? I think my heart is distracting me, in all honesty. Ive been feeling all weird lately, toward Mr.NyC. Not a bad weird, just a "realization" weird. I think Im starting to realize the truth about love . Its different with him than how its ever been with any other man and its providing me with a type of contentment and peace that Im not used to. He feels so long term to me, like its not about playing a game or winning his heart. Its actually about learning something that Im not too fond of...consideration of a man Im involved with. Usually I have this theory of them being undeserving of my genuine interest and consideration. But Mr.NyC is more than deserving. However, I think that my lack of consideration has wore him thin. Im trying this time though! I'm listening more when he talks and I really want to know things about him. But Ive trained myself not to listen to men because they are temporary. But maybe they are temporary only because I trained myself not to listen. Anyway, the thing is, I see him breaking down walls too. To be honest, I kinda want to just be around him now. I like to laugh with him more than anything. I dont think he sees us the way I see us but I know he sees me in his own way thats still good. I have so much more to learn about him though and I dont want to learn these things from so far away. Im thinking something...are you thinking what I'm thinking...?
