I Miss You

I was starting to feel like I may never come back to this thing but someone just inspired me to write by getting me emotional.  In fact, I think its been a while since I wrote anything emotional...

My friend died...and it hurts. He used to check up on me to see if I was okay; even if it was just once or twice a year.  He used to say: "I've been thinking about you and whenever that happens, I need to check on you Jo Jo." It hurts to lose one of the few people that actually gave a damn about me. Since his death, I've been thinking about how empty I feel inside.  I started trying to pinpoint when the feeling arrived and as stupid as this sounds, I haven't felt happy since I left college. I think I left the part of me that used to smile and laugh.  Honestly, I miss my friends a lot.  I know I tried to block them out for years now because of personal reasons but his death is making me want them back. Ugh God, I feel so much pain right now...I thought I had all the time in the world to respond to those messages he sent...and I didn't...

Reinventing Myself

Been spending a lot of time making some solid changes . At 27, I know that I have to start putting myself in alignment with the things that I know I want for myself. And that means I can't do the same things I used to do, and cant let certain things happen that I was letting happen before...and that includes my responses to other people's actions (and yes, I started this before the Steve Harvey movie dropped lol). At first it was crazy hard because not everyone wants to work with the standards that you've set for yourself, and then I wanted to argue when they didn't.  But now it not so hard...the arguing isn't necessary.  I just throw them away and keep it moving.  I've lost some guys along the way but its cool because it was my decision to lose them, and I did it with the new me...no arguing. I was talking to my guy friends who just got engaged and they promised me that its going to be hard at first because I'm not used to enforcing my standards because I always put them to the side to get something else that I want.  They told me that it's a lot harder to stand by what you know is right for you when it means having to face lots of rejection and waiting for whats right.
I'm ready.