I've been trying to ignore this feeling but it's getting so hard to ignore the fact that I feel so used. I allow these guys to undeservedly get to know me and all the while I am holding my breath-hoping that "this one" wont be the one to do me like the last one. And when they do, I have no one but myself to blame for letting someone that I don't even know have the power to make me feel this way.
I think what bothers me more is the nerve and lack of regard shown for their fleeting interest. They just come and go as they please...with no regard for how they are making me/anyone else feel. It's not right...at all.
But like an idiot, I keep giving more and more of myself because (I will admit) I'm praying that at some point I won't have to continue each day in silence like this. People think that it's desperate for a woman to try so hard to avoid loneliness...and even call you weak for your attempt to fight the feeling so hard. But it takes SO much more strength than people realize to truly be alone EVERY-single-day. To spend 10 hours working and commuting to/from work...just to spend the few remaining hours of the day in total and complete silence. Not hearing the sound of someone elses voice or being able to enjoy the story of their day. Being forced to share your own thoughts with yourself only. Never being blessed with the story of someone elses life or being able to watch it progress or digress even. Having to watch movies when eating just to avoid hearing the sound of your own chewing. Its a type of spiritual murder that you could never imagine unless having been in it yourself.
