The Greatest Offer

I met up with someone back at home that I care a lot about.  He's a genuine good guy but was always wrapped up in a roller coaster relationship with his ex.  He's single now...over her now...so he says.  He wants to see what can happen with us if we take things slow.  But he isn't someone that I can toy with or be flighty or unsure with.  I want to be serious with someone but I know that being with him means that I probably won't be with anyone else for the rest of my life because he is long-term.That scares me.

Back at home, I would have run with this opportunity, but I'm really tired of directing my own life and ending up with so many mistakes. So I'm trying to let God direct me.  Unfortunately, I can't hear God yet in the way that I need to in order to make a sound decision on this.  I have waited for this type of love-but that's the problem-I've been  waiting for love for so long that I don't care where it comes from and I want to disable this need for love that I have before I actually choose to be with someone.  I want to be with them because I love them and not because I love love.    

Can't Hold It In Anymore

I've been trying to ignore this feeling but it's getting so hard to ignore the fact that I feel so used.  I allow these guys to undeservedly get to know me and all the while I am holding my breath-hoping that "this one" wont be the one to do me like the last one.  And when they do, I have no one but myself to blame for letting someone that I don't even know have the power to make me feel this way. 

I think what bothers me more is the nerve and lack of regard shown for their fleeting interest. They just come and go as they please...with no regard for how they are making me/anyone else feel. It's not right...at all.

But like an idiot, I keep giving more and more of myself because (I will admit) I'm praying that at some point I won't have to continue each day in silence like this.  People think that it's desperate for a woman to try so hard to avoid loneliness...and even call you weak for your attempt to fight the feeling so hard.  But it takes SO much more strength than people realize to truly be alone EVERY-single-day.  To spend 10 hours working and commuting to/from work...just to spend the few remaining hours of the day in total and complete silence.  Not hearing the sound of someone elses voice or being able to enjoy the story of their day.  Being forced to share your own thoughts with yourself only. Never being blessed with the story of someone elses life or being able to watch it progress or digress even.  Having to watch movies when eating just to avoid hearing the sound of your own chewing.  Its a type of spiritual murder that you could never imagine unless having been in it yourself.

BAM !!!

...Success...

message to my best blog buddy: You see my zombie game?! Thats for you LOL

Moving Exhaustion

Apparently, moving is exhausting for EVERYone

Why So Black?

Someone went overboard here

3rd from the right...in case you cant see him. :/

Finally Home...With My 8 Extra Lbs

Me + Mom + Little Sister

Me + Mom + Little Sister

Me + Mom + Moms Boyfriend

Me + Mom (This is where you can see my 8lbs

Waiting for the Megabus at 6AM 

Moms Cute Thanksgiving Dinner <3

Black Friday Victim

I am afraid of Black Friday...

...cheap people + bargain hunters= safety hazard

stampedes...trampling...fighting...pushing...sell-outs

...but...

I MUST HAVE THIS

$139.99

I can foresee this year that I will be spending a lot of time at home, alone.  Even though I dont want to admit this, I know that at some point I will have to.  Admitting it right now, before Black Friday, will be more cost effective. :)  So, I confess!

So, with that being said, I will be in line tonight with all of the other desperate people.

Bieber Fever

...Not Feeling the Fact that I'm Feeling This...
I don't listen to little boy musicians anymore...not since the five little black boy family group from the 90s.  I forgot the name of their group but they were like a modern day Jackson Five.  B5 (B-Five) maybe?  I don't remember.  Anyway, I was surfing around the Internet while picking my Netflix lineup and found this song from Justin Bieber. I absolutely love this!! I hear so many people dissing this little boy and after hearing this song, I don't know why.  BUT, if necessary, I can defend myself by saying that I am only listening to this song because I love the part that Boys II Men sings.  No one has to know that deep down inside, I am falling in love with this little boy. -whooped face-

Thanksgiving Plans

Its something about moving into a new apartment that makes me want to get a fresh start.  I want to trash every piece of furniture I have that has been quietly irking me throughout the year.  I was going to sell my couch and futon but now I just want to throw it in the dump. 


I'm spending this Thanksgiving at home with my mom and sister.  I was surprised at how excited they were about it. :/ Me and Terah are catching the Twilight Breaking Dawn movie.  We haven't missed one part without each other and we were determined not to start now.  -sings- I cant wait, no I cant wait!

Self Check