So much has changed in my life since my last post, nearly eight months ago. I relocated to a new city...Chicago (my city of dreams). It's truly beautiful here...strangly, because of its faults. It, without a doubt is the most real city that I could ever imagine being in. I haven't had much time to make the acquantance of all of its pleasures, considering that I am still getting settled and all. I moved in December. So far, I've made a couple of friends but I have been very slow to let them in...
While I've been gone from Saint Louis, I have had a lot to think about. Like...what am I really running from and if I am likely to find it here. I was telling Mikey that I cant shake this feeling of a huge void inside of me...one that I cant seem to fill. And it's not a spiritual void...I know the difference. I thought that moving to Chicago would help me fill that void, and although a good move for me, I'm starting to feel that it wont.
I notice that this void is triggered by two things...and it never fails to be triggered by these two things.
1. whenever I hear someone say to someone "you were born to do this. this is who you are" and
2. when i see someone's interest in another persons life
That second one is the big one. I used to really care about my friends and what was important to them...but now, even though I truly wish that they are well, I dont try to follow up with anyone anymore to verify that they are. I dont know why...but somewhere down the road I became so self-absorbed and detached from other people's feelings. I dont worry about people like I used to...I dont feel a knot in my stomach when I know they are approaching an important moment in their life or when they are sad.
I'm such a mess in my own mind to try and hear someone elses thoughts. It used to be that listening to someone elses thoughts helped distract me from my own. Now it just adds to my own and feels like a big, overwhelming mess in my head.
I dont know what I am looking for anymore...but I wish that I could find it so that I can move on and become the better person that I know I am capable of being. I miss caring about people...
Whenever I start to doubt my move to Chicago, I see this view and immediately have a change of heart. 
This move is about a new start-not a new finish. And its about having fun! I just read my friends' blog about her new relationship. If she was able to take the leap of faith then why can't I? I am going to start getting more comfortable here because it really is my new home. I like how that sounds: "new home." I've already found a couple of spots that I like to call my own. Once every two weeks I treat myself to this restaurant downtown called EATT. I have a nice juicy steak with asparagus and garlic potatoes. I always start with a delicious sweet vinegrette salad and an iced tea. On Sundays I go to The Rink, where the best skaters in the city like to show down. They are called JB skaters (James Brown) because they skate James Brown style. I want to skate now too; ever since I went to Atlanta. But I dont want to skate JB style...just want to be able to hold my own so I can groove to the music. But we know me, and the minute that I start to learn I will just give up. So I wont even bother trying LOL.
