Just A Thought

You know, its kind of crazy how when things go so wrong in your life, clarity shines its face on other areas in your life. I didnt realize how much I loved a certain person until I lost a relationship with another. I thought for a minute that maybe it was the "rebound effect". That maybe I thought I was loving this "run to" man only because I had lost the current man. But then I thought about why I always run to this one man everytime things fall apart in my life. But I already knew the answer. He's my breath...he's my comfort...he eases the pain...he knows just how to ease the pain...and he wants to ease the pain. Its like... any relationship I try to start with anyone else is damned because Im trying to force something that cant be... because Im supposed to be with him. I love this man so much that I dont mind us exploring other options until our time comes. In fact, I encourage it. Someone told me that this is so disfunctional but I think its the opposite. You see, when I get with him, I want him to be fully developed and ready for me. I want him to have grown into a man from his experiences and to know that Im the best for him because hes tried the rest. And I want to be the same with him. I dont want to trip about the same childish things I trip about today with him when we are together. I want to get all of this "little girl" out of my system.