Everything I ever imagined. That pretty much sums up my trip to NYC. I have never been treated like such a Princess and it pains me to come back to this hellhole and be treated like the StL girl that I am. I don't want to go into details (its very private) but I will say that I am so at peace with myself after this trip that I cant even allow myself to get mistreated in StL again...at least not for a very long time. I'm feeling so empowered lately - with both males AND female friends. I'm already planning another trip back! I even got some very cool pictures for my portfolio! One bad thing did happen on my trip though. I temporarily had my vision impaired and found out that I might have glaucoma. I don't feel like going blind...not right now at least, so I hope that this doctors visit will be in my favor. I know for a fact that I cant wear contacts anymore so I will have to be this ugly four eyed monster for the rest of my life. How can I be a photographer with face goggles? Anyhoo, the doctor in NYC was crazy. She was yelling at me, screaming "why do you wear contacts? Tell me why. Don't ever wear them again." When I left, I felt like I had done wrong by HER more than by MYSELF! Turns out, she had dealt with many young girls who had a corneal ulcer such as myself who ended up going blind while trying to be cute with contacts. I wont lie, I cried all day about it. I think my physical appearance is really important to me but I don't think it should weigh heavier than being able to see...but clearly my actions say that it does. I have my priorities all messed up. And just to think, here I am complaining about my life and how screwed up it is that I have no career goals and I might not be able to see out of one of my eyes. Life is a joke sometimes.Enterprise was cheating me out of 2 of my emergency days off work (and we only get 7) and I finally got the issue resolved today. It took 5 months but now I have a total of 4 days that I can spontaneously call off of work. If you work for Enterprise you would understand how big of a deal this is. Whats funny is how I was just telling a friend of mine that its crazy how your day can improve by having something mistakenly threatened in your life. Out of the blue something is almost taken from you and you freak out like crazy. Then once the mistake is cleared up, your day is somehow better than when it started lol. My friend said he got a phone call from this credit guy telling him that his credit was screwed up and he owed all of this money. Once the mistake was cleared up my friend was like "omg, so my credit is okay?!" and was ecstatic (as if he thought his credit was messed up from the get-go lol).
I think I'm ready to move out and get an apartment. I told myself that if after one year I am still unemployed (without a career) then I would come to terms with the fact that I am "nothing" and just move the hell out. SO, I am officially getting my own spot. I'm ready anyway so its perfect timing. I appreciate my mom allowing me to stack my money but now its time for me to stand on my own. Don't you think? I was talking to this lady on the airplane about that and she motivated me to do quite a lot...which reminds me...isn't it crazy how you have this deep ass conversation with the person next to you on a plane like you're bff's? Well, I was under the impression that once the conversation ended, you would say your goodbyes and wish each other well. I mean hell, its hard enough not asking for their contact info after such a deep convo. Anyway, when we landed, I walked off the plane behind her and bent over to tie my show. I just KNEW my airplane buddy was right next to me, waiting for me so that we could walk into the airport together. I looked up and this hoe was all the way in the airport! I was SO offended and then felt stupid because I WAS offended. It just seemed so rude to me...I felt used and unappreciated lol. After those feelings passed, I then felt humiliated for expecting more from your airplane friendship.
I think I'm learning so much about life now and enjoying the world that I could care less about my career and its progression. That shit is so overrated. It seems like people need a career to get a sense of self-accomplishment (Maslow's hierarchy of needs breaks this down). But I'm not going to fall into this trap anymore. I like living for myself right now...more than I like living for corporate America. I know one thing...I better get my act together at this call center so that I continue to explore my new life or else I'm outta there and back to hardcore restrictions at a REAL job!
